So if anyone asked me if I would be doing what I’m doing right now I would have fallen down onto the floor from the overwhelming hysterical laughter. I have avoided writing my entire life. I never enjoyed writing in school or in my career. In fact, my lack of writing skills was a major reason I did not qualify for the job of my dreams. In high school I barely passed assignments or classes that required writing skills. So I will start with this disclosure, I am not well educated about grammar nor proper sentence structure. However, I am okay with that because this isn’t an assignment or a graded essay. What is this? This is many things in one.
First, it’s my own think/ create/reflect place for myself. My mind moves a the speed of light when I have alot of energy or passion inside of me. Many critics say I talk too much and way too much. People who love me have come to embrace this quirk of mine. I often prefer talking because it’s faster than writing. My lips can’t even match the speed of my thoughts and a pencil or keyboard at times can be torturous for me. I first discovered writing when I reached one of my personal low points as a child. I had become so numbe and void of all will to speak. I was too weak to speak but all my thoughts and feelings still needed a way to seep out of me. That’s when I discovered the power of a pencil to paper. I began a poetry/drawing journal at the age of 9 years old just before I attempted to end my life. Maybe someday I’ll write more about that particular incident but what is important is it saved my life. Funny how often what I dread the most is what is good for me. Also, writing has taught me to harness my unbridled mind and FOCUS!
Second, it’s a legacy for my loved ones. I wish we all lived for infinity, but reality says there may come a day when I am no longer with them and I hope this place will help them to remember me, my love for them and the wisdom I have gained in my life in hopes it may guide them in their times of need when I can’t be there with them in person I hope to always be with them in spirit. I’m pretty sure that last sentence just broke a dozen grammar rules. Please don’t report me to the grammar police 😉 My Aunt Merry & my 6th grade English teacher would not be proud.
Lastly, this is my act of Paying it Forward. I decided to be vulnerable enough not to lock all these thoughts/ideas away in a diary with a padlock and key. Many times I have experienced healing or gained wisdom by someone else sharing their experiences with me. If even one person is benefited by even one word they read I will feel blessed I could return the favor to the world. When I was pregnant with my first son I saw the movie Pay It Forward. It touched my heart so profundly. If you are not familiar with the movie here is the link to the info on Wikipedia https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pay_It_Forward_(film). I highly reccommend this movie. Be prepared with a book of tissues and maybe a teddy bear to hug as you watch it. In writing this I discovered the concept actually has a much deeper history the phrase is accredited to Lily Hardy Hammonds book “In the Garden of Delight” written in 1916. If interested, learn more about her book at https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pay_it_forward . The movie and concept resonated with my soul as it aligns with my personal beliefs and teachings of my faith. In my research I came upon a website that describes this concept in much more detail. I will leave this right here if you you would like to read it http://frame-poythress.org/the-greatest-commandment-the-very-heart-of-the-matter/ I believe we are called to love others as much as we love ourselves. Disclaimer: as a recovering person from many unhealthy relationships I feel the need to clarify that love also has boundaries and love never calls us to be in relationship with someone who is detrimental to our own well being. Some people I have to love from a distance but I will always value them as God’s children worthy of love. Sometimes, all we can do is love someone enough to pray for God’s healing in their hearts. When I seek God’s wisdom he guides me in setting my boundaries. Love never calls us to be a doormat or a bully.
What can you find on this page? For those of you who know how incredibly random and diverse I am in my life you will have an idea but it will be limitless really. I welcome loved ones, acquaintances, friends I have yet to meet and random strangers to join along in my ever evolving journey of life and learning. Thank you for supporting my dream and vision by reading my personal reflections. I look forward to many more!♡!♡!
Almost forgot to express my gratitude to God for guiding me to this point and for all the uncharted waters ahead. Thank you to every soul that has impacted my life and shaped my journey to become the person I am today. A quote that eloquently illustrates this idea is one of my favorites “We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace” ~Peggy Tabor Millin
In support and encouragement of this blog huge thanks to my husband and children who support me in all I do, my best friend for life who may of told me a hundred thousand times to get a blog, to my spiritual mom Mama E, and to my fellow artists/writers/vloggers Cevonne, Iliah and Travis who have given me valuable insight into the process to turn my vision into action. Be blessed and know I’m eternally grateful ♡